A Diary With Tears: August 2016

TO THE GIRL WHO NEEDS TO REMEMBER SHE'S MORE THAN ENOUGH

The most important thing I want you to take away from this is that you are most definitely, without a doubt good enough.

I need you to remember there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

I know there is a good chance you are rolling your eyes at that statement, you may be muttering to yourself, "yeah right" or "whatever" but mutter away cause it's true.

It's tough being the girl who cares too much.

The girl who would do anything for those she cares about without wanting anything in return.

I totally get that. It can take a toll on a person.

You're the girl that overthinks everything.

The one who worries about everyone before worrying about herself.

You're the girl who loves with her whole heart.

You jump in with no hesitations.

You're also the girl who's had her heart broken because of it.

The one who at the end of the day begins to question everything.

You need to erase this idea that there is something the matter with you.

Delete the notion that you're unlovable, that you have some sort of personality flaw that stops someone from loving you.

You see the problem was never you.

It's the boy you openly gave your heart to, that couldn't see the value in your love.

A guy who took a heart of gold and tried to tarnish it.

A guy who doesn't deserve the love you've continuously tried to give him.

If he makes you feel like you're not good enough, he isn't good enough.

Forget that guy because as much as losing him hurts, there will be someone to pick up the pieces and help you leave him in the dust.

There is someone out there who will show you how a real gentleman treats a lady.

Let me tell you, you deserve a man that will lift you up, help you believe in yourself, remind you fairy tales do exist and that you can have your own Nicholas Sparks tale, but it'll be even better cause it will be your own.

Stop comparing yourself to every other girl out there.

You were born to be different, to be an individual.

You're not supposed to be like everyone else, otherwise you wouldn't be you.

Just because she has some features you wish you had, doesn't mean you aren't deserving of the same things she is, it doesn't make you any less of a woman.

She may be taller, weigh a little less than you but it doesn't make her better.

Chances are there are things she doesn't like about herself as well.

The things you see as flaws or imperfections make you the wonderful woman you are.

Stop looking at yourself in the mirror feeling disgusted.

Stop picking out all the things you hate about yourself.

Focus on all the good.

Stop telling yourself that if you lost a few pounds everything would be better.

Stop convincing yourself your weight is a reason to not be worthy.

You have to learn to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you.

I promise there will be a guy who will love every little thing about you, even your love handles, the way your hairs a mess when you wake up and every other thing you think is wrong with your body.

Please know that the scale doesn't define you.

You may be skinnier than other girls or you may be a little more curvaceous and both of those are perfectly fine.

Embrace it all, because you are beautiful.

Forget those who make you feel any less deserving of respect, love, honesty, loyalty and trust.

In fact tell them bye felicia.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out, because those who refuse to see your worth or helped put the notion that you're not good enough is someone you don't need around.

Love yourself.

You are wonderful and worthy.

You are more than "good enough".

You're great, and your strengths outweigh your weaknesses everyday.

You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, witty, sarcastic, funny and worthy.

You're a genuinely beautiful soul and a fantastic woman, so please believe in yourself, and screw the haters.

From one girl who let the world tell her she wasn't good enough, it's time we start believing we are.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

HOW DO I KNOW IF I AM WITH THE RIGHT PERSON..?

How do I know if I am with the right person..?

Every relationship has a cycle.

In the beginning ; you, fall in love with your partner.

You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love wasn't hard.

In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything.

That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say,

"I was swept of my feet"

Picture the expression.

It implies that you were just standing there ; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades.

It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship ; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and / or your partner might start asking,

"Am I with the right person..?"

And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person ; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common.

But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship.

It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.

But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because the key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person.

It's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.

You have to work on it day in and day out.

It takes time, effort, and energy.

And most importantly, it demands WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work.

Make no mistake about it..!

Love is NOT a mystery.

There are specific things you can do with or without your partner.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe such as gravity, there are also laws for relationships.

If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision".

Not just a feeling.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

HOPING THAT SOMEDAY, MIGHT GET A DIFFERENT ANSWER

Closure is just a term created by people so they can ask the same questions over and over, hoping that someday they might get a different answer.

I don't need any answers.

I never really understood why you didn't want me anymore, and perhaps I never will.

But, that doesn't really matter.

Because the fact is that you didn't want me anymore.

And all I can do is accept that.

And I do, I accept that.

I'm not going to forget about you.

That's not my goal here.

My goal is to be able to look back on everything objectively and remember the things I learned about myself and the things I learned about people and life without feeling the pain that goes a long with these kinds of things.

So finally, this is me moving on.

This is me wishing you well in whatever you pursue.

This is me wishing you joy and happiness.

And to one day, perhaps, being friends.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

WHY DO RELATIONSHIP FAIL..?

Some good things must come to an end. Why do relationships fail..?

You didn't know each other that much during courtship stage.You discovered something negative about him / her while you are in a relationship already. That's why, know him or her first.
Too much pride. Sometimes, it is just a petty issue, but because of too much pride it became a big one. Learn to say sorry. Be the bigger person.
You get bored in your relationship. Sometimes, when you both have the same interest, what happens is that you don't have something new to try.
You aren't just meant to be. No matter how hard you try, you aren't just for each other.
Small issues getting piled up. Settle small issues and don't wait for it to sky rocket and will lead to trust issues.
You aren't just ready to be in a relationship, but you forced it. Anything forced will never prosper to something worth keeping.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

TO MY FUTURE LOVER

Hey, you.

Please don't hurt me.

Please don't hurt me, cause I don't plan on hurting you.

We may be young but I've been through a lot of heartbreaks, and maybe you too.

And I don't wanna go through all that pain again even if it's worth it.

I've dated a cheater.

And I don't wanna date a cheater ever again.

I won't forgive you.

I need to let you go.

No matter how much you love me, no matter how much you say sorry, no matter how many times you explain and no matter how much I love you, I have to let you go.

Even if it's going to kill me, even if it's gonna hurt like hell, I will let you go because I deserve better.

I deserve someone who would love me, only me.

I deserve to be the only one.

I have bad days, well I guess we all have those days.

Some days I'm sad with no explanation.

There are days that I just wanna be alone.

But I want to know that you would stay on those days, that you'll be there.

I want to make sure that you want me when I'm happy and you still want me even I'm sad.

I want to know that after that hard tiring day you'll still be there.

I want to know if I'll see you at the finish line, smiling and making sure that it's just a bad day and tomorrow's going to be alright.

Please make time.

I'm a clingy girl.

I know some guys doesn't like clingy girls, sorry.

It doesn't mean that you have to take me out but if you want too, we can go play at an arcade, or go for a road trip, or go visit museums, or eat all day, or go for an adventure, we can hang out and watch series or a movie.

Or take long naps.

Or do tasks.

Or I can teach you how to cook, or we can bake.

We can do anything.

I love boyfriend days.

If ever you're busy for a day, a week or a month, please leave a message.

Let me know that you're gonna be busy and that you are going to be alright.

Know that if everything's already stressful I'm just one call away, you can rant all you want, and I'm going to listen to every word you will say and after that I'm going to make sure that when we end the call you're already okay and ready to go back to being busy.

I don't want you to pay every time we go out.

We can totally split the bill.

You can tell me anything you want.

You can tell me if you love or hate dogs or kids.

I wanna know you.

I want to know your deepest secret, your fears, your goals, even your childhood crush.

Or how your day was.

I don't care if it's silly or dark, all I care is that you chose to tell me.

We may fight.

We may fight over the aux chord, or how terrible driver I am, or how I'm too lazy, or how you're too lazy, or about that girl who smiled at you, or what I'm wearing.

No matter how small or big our fight is please make sure that we both win in the end.

That our relationship is bigger than any fight.

That love wins.

If you're not looking for a serious relationship, leave.

Just leave.

I may be young but I don't play games.

I want commitment.

I want consistency.

I want permanent.

I want someone who's willing to stay.

I want someone who has plans, for me or for himself.

Know that I don't date guys I don't wanna marry.

Cause what's the point..?

If you don't wanna marry someone then why date them..?

Why should you get to know them..?

Why should you love them..?

If marriage is not the goal, what is..?

I'm thrilled to meet you.

And please stay.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

HE WANTS TO GIVE US MORE THAN WE GIVE HIM

A very poor newly wed, young couple lived in a small farm.

One day the husband made the following proposal to his wife :

Honey, I will leave the house :

"I will travel faraway, get a job and work hard in order to come back and give you the comfortable life that you deserve.
I do not know how long I will stay away, I only ask one thing, please wait for me, and while I am away, you should be faithful to me, because I will be faithful to you"

His wife agreed, so the young man left.

He walked many days until he found a farmer who was in need of someone to help him.

The young man offered his services.

He was accepted.

Therefore he discussed the terms with his boss :

"Let me work for as long as I want and when I think I should go home, please relieve me of my duties.
I do not want to receive my salary.
I ask you to save it for me, until the day I leave.
The day I decide to go, please give me the money and I will go my way"

They agreed on that.

So, the young man worked for twenty years without holiday and without rest.

After twenty years, he came to his boss and said :

"Boss, I want my money, because I am returning to my home"

The boss replied :

"All right, after all, I made a deal with you and I will stick to it.

However, before you go I want to offer you something new :

I will give you all your money and send you away ; or I will give you 3 pieces of advice and send you away.

If I give you money, you lose the 3 pieces of advice.

If I give you the 3 pieces of advice, you lose the money.

Now, go to your room and think about your answer"

He thought for two days.

Then he went to the boss and told him :

"I want the 3 pieces of advice"

The boss stressed again, if I give you the 3 pieces of advice, I will not give you the money, and the man replied :

"I want the 3 pieces of advice"

The boss then told him :

"No. 1 : Never take shortcuts in your life, shorter and unknown paths can cost your life.
No. 2 : Never be too curious, for curiosity towards evil can be deadly.
No. 3 : Never make decisions in moments of anger or pain, because when you repent, it could be too late"

After giving these 3 pieces of advice, the boss said to him :

Here, you have 3 loaves of bread, 2 are for you to eat during the journey and the last is for you to eat with your wife when you get home.

So, the man went his way, after twenty years away from home and from his wife, whom he loved so much.

After the first day of travel, he found a man who greeted him and asked :

"Where are you going..?"

He replied :

"To a distant place which is about 20 days away if I continue walking"

The man said to him :

"Ol' boy, this path is too long..!

I know a shortcut that is very safe and you will arrive in 5 days only"

The man began to follow the path suggested until he remembered the first piece of advice.

Then, he returned and followed the long path.

Days later he learned that the shortcut led to an ambush.

After a few more days of travel, he found an inn by the roadside, where he could rest.

He paid for a room and after taking a bath he lay down to sleep.

During the night he woke up as he heard a terrifying scream.

He rose to his feet and went to the door to check what happened.

As he was opening the door, he remembered the second piece of advice.

Therefore he returned, lay down again and slept.

At dawn, after breakfast, the owner of the lodging asked him if he had not heard the scream at night. He affirmed that he heard.

Then, the host said :

"Were you not curious to see what happened..?"

And he replied :

"No, I was not"

Then the host said :

"You are the first guest to leave this inn alive.

My neighbour is completely crazy.

He usually shouts at night to call someone's attention.

When some of the guests come out, he kills them and buries their bodies in the backyard"

The man continued his long journey, eager to arrive soon.

After many days and nights walking, he was very tired, but he finally saw his house far away.

It was night.

He saw some light coming out of the window of his house and was able to see the silhouette of his wife.

But he also saw that she was not alone.

He came closer and saw there was a man with her.

She softly caressed his hair.

When he saw that scene, his heart was filled with hatred and bitterness.

He decided to rush at and kill them both mercilessly.

However, he took a deep breath and he remembered the third piece of advice.

Then he stopped, reflected and decided to sleep outside that night.

He slept in the midst of the bushes, determined to make a decision the next day.

At dawn, he was calmer and thought :

"I will not kill my wife and her lover.

I am going back to my boss to ask him to take me back.

But before I go, I want to tell my wife that I have always been faithful to her"

He went to the front door and knocked.

When his wife opened the door and recognized him, she cried and embraced him warmly.

He tried to push her away, but he was not able.

Then, with tears in his eyes he told her :

"I was faithful to you but you betrayed me"

She was shocked, so she replied :

"How did I betray you..?

I have never betrayed you. I waited patiently for you for twenty good years.

Then he asked :

"How about the man that you were caressing yesterday..?"

And she said :

"That man is your son. When you left, I discovered I was pregnant. Today he is twenty years old"

Hearing that, the man asked her forgiveness.

He met and hugged his son.

Then he told them all the things he had experienced while away.

Meanwhile, his wife prepared some coffee for them to eat together, the last bread given by his boss.

After a prayer of thanksgiving, he broke the bread.

When he looked at it, he found all his money inside.

In fact, there was even more than the right payment for his twenty years of dedication and hard work.

Friends, our God is like this boss.

When He asks us to make a sacrifice, he wants to give us more than what we give Him.

He wants us to have His unique wisdom as well as the material blessings.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

MY LAST LETTER TO YOU

We create this whole new world of perfection inside our minds to escape the imperfection of our realities.

I used to believe love feels like heaven that will lift you off your feet, up in the clouds, a feeling of complete happiness and fulfillness.

But it's not.

Love is like a prison surrounded by barriers with chains gripping at your feet, holding onto you, and dragging you down until you're completely lost.

That's what I came to realize, that love is just a fantasy.

We create this whole new world of perfection inside our minds to escape the imperfection of our realities.

We believe that a single person should be the huge change of our lives - for better or for worse.

For instance, there comes a time in each of our lives where we meet this one person that would truly change us.

That one person that would make us believe that love really do exist. Until they break us apart and leave us like nothing ever happened.

It happened to me once, when I met you.

You were nice, handsome, funny, smart, dreamy and almost too perfect for me.

The kind of guy I was dreaming for at that time.

The kind of guy I pictured myself with rocking chairs and a cup of tea while conversing about random things on a cold summer night.

But one thing I won't forget about you was how special you made me feel.

Those late night phone calls just talking about how our days had been, laughing about silly things, sharing cheesy conversations, and even falling asleep with our phones still lingering on top of our ears.

Hoping that maybe even in the deepest parts of our sleep, we can still listen to each other's sweet voices.

Waking up in the morning to the sound of your voice like the smell of freshly brewed coffee which was enough to brighten up my day ahead and put a smile on my face.

Those were the better days.

Until one day, it's like a storm hit you and you just forgot all about me and the way we used to be.

One thing lead to another and I'm stuck here waiting, my phone glued to my hand hoping that maybe you'd change your mind and call me back but you never did.

You shut me down so easily like you never even shed a single affection for me.

I was ashamed of myself though, because I'd shed a thousand and even a million just to make you happy but you never even gave me a chance.

You just left me hanging and I was a fool to hold on for so long.

Truth is, there is still a tiny part of my heart that wishes you'd come back and make everything better for me again because you are the only person I could ever think of that can make things better for me.

Even though you're the sole reason of my misery in the first place.

How ironic.

Bottom line is, you changed me.

You changed everything.

Before, I could hear my heart pounding through my chest just thinking about you but now it's dead silent.

Before, I could feel butterflies in my stomach whenever you'd talk to me but now it's as empty as it can be.

And before, I used to believe that forever existed but now I don't think I can even last a single day. You changed me.

You changed everything.

But you know what..?

Despite the pain and misery that you've inflicted me, I still managed to put a stop to this ball of anger building up inside of me.

Everything is still too painful for me but I'm still in love with you so I'm going to forgive you.

I am going to forgive you for making me suffer the pain of being in love, for drowning me with a sea of questions and what ifs, and for making me believe the impossible conclusion that there's a possibility of future between us.

There are still a million questions floating inside my mind and I would trade anything just to hear you answer them all.

But of course, it would never happen.

It's just like creating a whole new world in my mind to escape the pain of my reality.

Just hoping for the best and not expecting for the worst.

A dream of the impossible perfection.

But that's just how life is.

I'll just accept the fact that you don't always get what you want and it's better to be with the no one than to be with the wrong person.

And maybe there's a reason why you came into my life and changed me.

Maybe I was meant to be changed so I can start with something new.

What's important is that I get everything all out of my heart, free all the pain and misery and all the words that has been held on for so long.

And before I end this, I want you to know that I have forgiven you and I hope that you forgive me too for writing my last letter to you.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

AN OPEN LETTER TO LIFE

Dear life,

We're not in good terms in this past few years.

We're in constant chaos and cannot manage to live in peace.

It's because you have changed so much that I almost couldn't recognize you from what you were to what you are right now.

You'd become more of a frustration to me rather than a promise gratification.

I'm always left wondering why do you have to metamorphosed into something you know I cannot understand.

Of all beings you should know that I don't easily keep up with changes -- that abrupt changes.

Heaven forbid, you have almost pushed me at my breaking point.

What is happening to us..?

We're smooth sailing deeply in love with each other before.

You and me against the world.

Our goals, our dreams --built firmly in hope.

Where are your promises of harmony and prosperity..?

You're hurting me more than I could ever imagine.

Why do you need to treat me this way as if we are enemies..?

I'm afraid I might get tired and might lose interest in you, then just quit, to escape this overwhelming pain.

Nevertheless, I want you to know that I love you hard enough to wait and see if you will change.

With all the extremely awful experiences I have with you I still believe that you have something beautiful to offer.

That our dreams can still come true.

Even if everything seems to fall apart I will keep it as a covenant to battle for us by all odds.

That's weird as though I am a masochist wired to stick with you forever even if you do not bother to care.

But then again, I will vow to love you faithfully and will fight for us to the best I could -- as I must.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

TO START OVER WITH ANOTHER GUY

Why is it so hard for her to start over with another guy..?

Because the new guy will buy her food expecting her to eat it all, while the guy who's always been there knows she's a picky eater.

The new guy will ask her to speak up, while the guy who's always been there appreciates the way she mumbles.

The new guy will notice how she wears the same t-shirt over and over again and be grossed out by it, while the guy who's always been there doesn't mind at all.

The new guy will probably get annoyed of her god-awful singing and tell her to stop, while the guy who's always been there has grown to enjoy it.

The new guy would find her to be too much to handle and too complicated to deal with, but the guy who's always been there knows her well enough to be able to understand why she is the way she is.

Yeah, it's never the same with someone new because it's a different experience and it's not supposed to be the same, but she's just happy with what she's familiar with and she's satisfied with what she's comfortable with.

No girl likes starting over.

There is no other guy who would accept her better than the guy who's always been there would, and she loves the way he loves her.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO CONSUME YOU

If he does not call, go to sleep.

If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway.

If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don't wait for him, go home and do something you love.

If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends.

If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely.

If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him.

If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him.

If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him.

If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him.

If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him.

If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him.

I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first.

He is a secondary character in the story of your life.

Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

LOYALTY

In this world full of infidelity, it's really hard to find someone who can be loyal even if you're not with them, even you don't see what they're doing.

A faithful partner is rare nowadays, but when you have found someone who can give the whole world to you, never let the person go.

Someone who can sacrifice and give up everything just to be with you.

Someone who is still there despite of your bad attitude.

Someone who accepts your flaws.

Someone who is there no matter what happens.

Someone who'll pick to struggle than to end what you have.

Someone who will make you feel like you're the only girl in the world.

Appreciate him while he is there.

Give him the best love you can, because not everyone will give you the love you wanted.

Time is gold.

Time is running.

You're the one who is in charge of your life, no one else but you.

So, when you already have the right person, do your best before it's too late.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

I BELIEVE IN WRONG PEOPLE

I believed in the wrong people all my life.

Always giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Always trusting souls I didn't know.

Always allowing myself to be blinded by the picture I painted of people, rather than see them for who they really are.

Always wanting to give pieces of myself to people who didn't value a soul or mind like mine.

But life taught me in the end to have no regrets just lessons learned.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

THE IRONY OF LOVE

Maybe love is not some kind of blindness but seeing all imperfections but choosing to love still.

Maybe Paulo Coelho was right when he wrote in his book, "It is in the Realm of Love that we fight our first battles and generally lose"

Maybe loving is really giving and not expecting for something in return.

Maybe "to love and be loved" is not really the greatest feeling in the world.

But I say, maybe love is not some kind of blindness but seeing all imperfections but choosing to love still.

Many of us have already experienced that kind of one-sided love.

That feeling of contentment when we just let ourselves love and never expecting to be loved back because we know how impossible it is.

That feeling when you see that person happy and then suddenly, you just feel happy, too.

And that feeling when little miracles happen and your heart jumps inside of your chest because of joy.

Definitely, none could protest on how happy we become because of little things love do to us.

That even though that person would never notice us at all, we still hold on to that small spark of hope that someday, he or she may realize we were right there all along.

Sometimes, we get to that point that even though the people we love cherish somebody else, we still don't give up.

Instead, our hopes just become higher.

Even though we experience pain already again and again, we still choose to love.

And even though we were torn into pieces many times, we still manage to pick up the pieces and be whole again.

The reason..?

We love despite unwanted circumstances.

We love simply because we love.

Loving doesn't need any reason or explanation.

It is what it is.

And maybe that is the very reason why there exists an irony of love.

We are living in this world of realities that affect our lives over which we have no control with. Sometimes, what we want, we don't get.

Sometimes, what we hoped for, even though we wait, never happen.

After all, we cannot force someone to just give back our love.

And in this life of ironies, we shouldn't always expect something in return.

The more we are rejected and hurt, the more it leaves an imprint on our lives.

The more we don't receive love back, the more we accept that some things aren't really meant to happen.

And most importantly, the more we are torn into pieces, the more we learn how to stand up and be whole again many times.

That's why if you are victim of this unwanted circumstance, don't be so down.

Don't feel so hurt that you are willing to give everything up.

Because it is not pain that hurts us, it is that hope we hold on to.

Instead, learn how to love, love, and just love more.

Because at the end of the day, nothing could still surpass that feeling of being happy with the little miracles even though you aren't loved back.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

HOW DO YOU LOVE A BROKEN-HEARTED GIRL

How do you love a broken-hearted girl :

Have a lot of patience.

For she is lost, lost in track and in need of your guidance.

She acts strong but she isn't.

She is so fragile.

Why..?

People in the past damaged her, hurt and left her, and it made her hard and cold.

If she needs time for her self, let her.

Do not think that she doesn't love you anymore.

She needs time for her self. too.

Give love like there is no tomorrow, like every minute is the last minute.

Efforts, very important.

Effort makes her feel that she is special and worthy of your time.

Forgiveness, for she will surely make you cry.

Make you scream, make you want to give up because of her attitude and mistakes ; which she doesn't mean at all.

Still forgive her.

She doesn't know what she is doing.

Lastly, stay.

Stay no matter how hard the situation is.

No matter how messy things get.

You will overcome it.

Just stay.

Don't be like those people who left her before.

Stay, she needs you, she just acts like she doesn't.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

MOMENT YOU AFRAID TO LOVE AGAIN

"There will be a moment in your life that you would be afraid to love again.

Maybe because you got hurt so bad that it broke down all of your walls and hopes that someone will help you and love you the way you want to be loved.

Maybe because you've been in a long term relationship that you thought it would last for a lifetime, you put so much effort and time on the relationship, but he proved that forever wasn't true and depart from your life all of a sudden.

It is normal to feel afraid and to have trust issues after all the things happened in your life.

It is normal to stop for a while and reevaluate the things around you.

Don't worry, we all go through this part of the journey.

But, don't close your heart entirely just because someone made it a little more fragile.

Because in this life, you will meet someone who will make you feel and understand what real love is.

This someone will make you believe that wondrous things could be seen by the naked eyes.

This someone will fill your sad songs with joyous lyrics and your gray-scaled world with enormous amount of colors.

You will meet this someone on your darkest night, he will give his light for you to surpass your storm.

He will come into your life and make you feel love as if it’s the first time.

He will complete the missing part of your journey.

And he will be the reason why you will feel things like brand new and exciting again"

- E.J. Cenita (Baekebyan) -

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

HOW TO LOVE A SAD GIRL

Kiss her forehead.

Kiss her eyes.

Kiss her nose and the birthmarks on her skin and all the places she does not love.

Kiss her knuckles and her fingers and remind her to breathe.

She needs that.

All of it.

If she cries, your first question must be whether she wants you or not.

Some days she'll need you to crush her boundaries completely and pull her so close that her heart can beat alongside yours.

And some days she'll need you to let her drown a little bit on her own.

But you have to come back for her, after.

Always come back.

Do not yell at her.

If you're angry, write it down or leave for a while to cool off and then have a level-toned argument with her.

Do not yell.

Do not ever yell.

Tell her you will be at her funeral and when she asks how you can be so sure you'll outlive her, tell her you're not sure of that at all.

Tell her that even if you die tomorrow, you will be at her funeral.

Do not ask her why she is sad.

She will tell you.

If you truly love her and if she knows that, she will tell you.

Open her curtains.

She'll cringe and groan and make a scene, but she needs the light.

She doesn't know how to make her own sunshine, so you've got to give her some.

Let her tell you about things.

Let her ramble on about a poet she loves or why she hates a certain singer.

Let her bitch about her workday or describe how much she loves her sister.

If you don't let her talk to you, she will never let you know her.

Learn how to identify whether her eyes are stormy or calm.

Learn her tones of voice and how to tell if she's really okay or if she just doesn't want you to worry. Learn her tells and her soft spots and love every last one.

Take her to places, coffee shops, antique stores, city streets and your grandma's house.

She wants to see the world, and she wants to see it with you.

Kiss her toes.

Kiss her shoulders and place butterfly kisses on her cheeks.

Touch her hair and tell her all the things there are to love about her.

Remind her to scream if she needs to.

She needs that.

All of it.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN BROKEN

This goes out to all the people who have been broken but have been strong enough to let go.

For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up.

For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accepted the cold hard truth instead.

For the people that learned from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back.

For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow.

For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty.

For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway.

For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future.

For the people that have wounds still healing.

For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh.

For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead.

For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead.

For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to.

For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured.

For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

TO THE MAN WHO LET HER GO

To the man who let her go, thank you.

Thank you for walking out of her life, for leaving her.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to love her, do things that would make her happy, to really keep her.

Thank you for hurting her.

If not, she wouldn't have learned something valuable.

I will try my best to not cause her pain, for it hurts me to see her cry.

I will do all the things you failed to do for her like be there for her when she feels so alone, prioritize her and not make her feel like she is just an option, listen to her stories, rants and complaints no matter how bizarre or cliche they might be.

Give her time and affection even when she is not asking for it.

I will take care of the girl you failed to appreciate.

I will love the girl you took for granted.

I will do anything to keep her and make her stay.

I will love her for all that she is, and will support her in anything that she wants to be.

I will be the partner you failed to become for her.

I will be the man who will never make the same mistake that you did.

I will never let her go.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

GIRLS WHO DON'T WEAR MAKEUP

"Girls who don't wear make up are more beautiful"

False.

Just because a girl wears make up that doesn't mean she doesn't love her natural beauty.

She loves herself that's why she wants to be more confident and feel good about herself.

Others are so passionate about it because it is also an art.

Just because it's your preference not to apply make up, that doesn't give you the right to drag other girls who do it.

Everyone has a choice.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

SPENT YEARS HURTING A GOOD WOMAN

I spent years hurting a good woman by staying with her but never fully choosing her.

I did want to be with this one.

I really wanted to choose her.

She was an exquisite woman, brilliant and funny and sexy and sensual.

She could make my whole body laugh with her quick, dark wit and short-circuit my brain with her exotic beauty.

Waking up every morning with her snuggled in my arms was my happy place.

I loved her wildly.

Unfortunately, as happens with many young couples, our ignorance of how to do love well quickly created stressful challenges in our relationship.

Before long, once my early morning blissful reverie gave way to the strained, immature ways of our everyday life together, I would often wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love me better.

As the months passed and that thought reverberated more and more through my head, I chose her less and less.

Every day, for five years, I chose her a little less.

I stayed with her. I just stopped choosing her.

We both suffered.

Choosing her would have meant focusing every day on the gifts she was bringing into my life that I could be grateful for : her laughter, beauty, sensuality, playfulness, companionship, and so much more.

Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace or even see what was so wildly wonderful about her.

I was too focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her strong personality that grated on me.

The more I focused on her worst, the more I saw of it, and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering my own worst behavior.

Naturally, this only magnified the strain on our relationship which still made me choose her even less.

Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.

She fought hard to make me choose her.

That's a fool's task.

You can't make someone choose you, even when they might love you.

To be fair, she didn't fully choose me, either.

The rage-fueled invective she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.

I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she didn't feel safe with me.

She felt me not choosing her every day, in my words and my actions, and she was afraid I would abandon her.

Actually, I did abandon her.

By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.

Like a precious fragrant flower I brought proudly into my home but then failed to water, I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.

I’ll never not choose another woman I love again.

It's torture for everyone.

If you're in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question :

"Why am I choosing my partner today..?"

If you can't find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one.

It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart's truth,

"I just do"

If you can't find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow.

We all have disconnected days.

But if too many days go by and you just can't connect with why you're choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go.

Create the opening for another human being to show up and see them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.

Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen.

Every day.

You do, too.

Choose wisely.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

WHEN A GUY CRIES BECAUSE OF A RELATIONSHIP

When a guy cries because of a relationship, that's when you know he cares.

He cares because he lost you over one stupid little thing.

Not all guys are the same, some are douches and won't give a single fuck if he just got dumped.

When he cry because of you, he loves you that much that he's not afraid to show his weakness and tears.

He's brave enough to show what he feels in the moment.

He's brave to be weak because he loves you so damn much to care about his ego and pride.

And when a guy cries over you, over your relationship ending, you have a keeper.

So, don't fuck it up even more.

Take the opportunity and show him that you care too because it's not always the guys who fucks up.

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil