RELATIONSHIP THAT ENDED LIKE A BROKEN GLASS

After a four year relationship that ended like a broken glass, I was a wreck. 

To be honest, I used to be the kind of girl who only felt her worth from my ex's compliments. 

His I love you's made me feel beautiful. 

His kisses and hugs made me feel wanted. 

I was so focused on loving him that when he left, I was a wreck.

 I didn't even know how to be happy anymore. 

It's not easy to move on. 

It takes time. 

Actually, especially when that someone became part of your daily routine. 

Tears were my breakfast in the morning and dinner before I sleep. 

Someone told me,

"Instead of killing yourself why don't you start healing yourself..?" 

And that's when it hit me like a rocketship. 

 And one day, I started dating myself.

I learned how to enjoy my own company. 

I started watching a movie ALONE, reading a romance book while taking a sip of my favorite coffee ALONE, walking in the street while listening to Beatles ALONE and it feels amazing in my every core.

I started to focus on my job and school. 

I hang out with my friends / workmates. 

I enjoy talking to my Mom. 

I travel as much I can. 

I do something new. 

I learn something different. 

I crave for adventure. 

I seek for improvement. 

Tell you what girls, dating someone else that is better than your ex isn't the key to move on from the pain you're feeling right now. 

You can only move on when you start to value yourself as a woman and to know your worth without minding anyone's perspective about you. 

Instead of looking for someone better than your past, be better and be the best version of you. 

Being selfish isn't bad. 

Love yourself first before anyone else.

Cheer up and make the world your runway. 

Trust me, it feels fucking amazing

---

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

---

EXISTENCE OF TRUE LOVE

I never knew that true love exists.

I always get my heart shattered.

People always leave and get tired of me.

I only knew true love existed in fictions and movies. 

Every so often those couples I admired from afar that I thought would have a happily ever after ends up breaking up too.

I've always thought that it's too good to be true. 

But then, you came into my life. 

I was hopeless before you even knew my name. 

You made me realize that true love do exist. 

You gave me this feeling that I never felt towards someone else before. 

Ever since you came, there's no one worth thinking about. 

I ended up believing in faith, destinies and fantasies about love, you made every love story written in this world all worth believing and you changed my point of view.

It's all because of you. 

True love is even though we're far away from each other, our hearts know that distance can't rip us apart. 

True love is acceptance.

I accept all your flaws, including your past and mistakes. 

All the things you hate about yourself but, I still find them beautiful. 

True love is patience.

I am willing to wait with you.

I'm willing to wait no matter how long it takes, even if it takes a lifetime because I know everything will be worth it in the end. 

True love is selfless.

I will always put you first rather than myself just to make you happy.

I will always choose whats the best for you. 

True love is assurance.

I trust you with all my heart; no doubts, uncertainty and suspicions. 

True love isn't found.

It's built, our love will grow as time passes by; it will be stronger. 

True love isn't easy.

There will be ups and downs.

There will be challenges and sufferings.

I'm willing to face them all with you.

I will never let go and I will always hold on. 

I never knew what they meant by true love until I met you. 

True love is rare but I found it with you.

---

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

---

FIGHTING A BATTLE

If you are fighting a battle read this,

I know how hard it is to remain strong or even to fake that you are strong.

I admire your being resilient amidst all the problems that you have. 

Always remember that dark days always come to an end. 

I know that you're losing sleep and appetite but always remember that every problems in our life happen for a reason. 

You might not understand the purpose of it for now, but at the right time definitely you will. 

In every door that closes, new opportunities will surely come your way.

People come and go. 

People change. 

Cherish the people who stick with you. 

Let go the people who don't deserve you. 

Life is too short to be together with someone causing so much distress in your life.

You are not alone in life. 

You are loved. 

You are worth it. 

Better days are coming. 

Don't give up easily in life. 

You deserve better. 

You deserve all the happiness in the world. 

I swear, you will be FINE. 

Your happiness and joy will be back and that's for sure.

---

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

---

I USED TO BE THAT GIRL

I used to be the girl who doubted herself and her abilities. 

I used to be the girl who cared so much about other people's opinions of her. 

I used to be the girl who spoke rarely in class because she was afraid everyone would laugh at her. 

I used to be the girl who said yes to everything because she wanted everyone to like her.


I used to be the girl who would put on a fake smile and pretend everything was fine when it wasn't.
I used to be the girl who barged into other people's conversations to feel like she actually belonged to a group.
I used to be the girl who cried herself to sleep every night.
I used to be the girl who lived her life in a cycle. I used to be the girl who thought the pain would never end.


I used to be that girl.
Now, I am the girl who knows and loves who she is.
Now, I am the girl who only cares about what herself, her friends, her family, and God.
Now, I am the girl who can speak her mind and stand up for herself.
Now, I am the girl who can say no to people and can accept that not everybody will like her.
Now, I am the girl who can openly express her feelings and deal with her problems.
Now, I am the girl who ignores the thought of being left out and has fun on her own anyway.


Now, I am the girl who reminds herself of all the good things in her life before she goes to bed.
Now, I am the girl who strives to live life to the fullest.
Now, I am the girl who realizes that pain ends when she chooses to be happy.


I am that girl.
I am this girl.
I am the girl who will grow for herself and for the people that matter to her.
I am the girl who will let go of all her insecurities.
I am the girl who will build confidence in herself.
I am the girl who will fight for herself.
I am the girl who will stay true to herself.
I am the girl who will embrace independence.


I am the girl who will appreciate everything she has in her life.
I am the girl who will set goals and challenge herself to achieve them all.
I am the girl who will never give up.

I will be that girl.

---

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

---

LOVE IS PATIENT

Love is patient and my love, you have always been patient with me. 

With an uncertainty of when we are able to see each other again, you are painstakingly and constantly waiting and hoping for the day I can be with you. 

Despite all these, your loyalty is unyielding ; your promises are trustworthy ; your love is tangible and is able to travel at the speed of light towards me. 

Your honesty and your patience is ever present and undeniable.
Love is kind.


And your fingers prioritize gentleness whenever they touch my hands. 

It felt as if you were so afraid to leave a scar on the frailty of my skin, on the frailty of my heart and so you move gracefully and gently with sufficient strength as you wrap your arms around me. 

You have always put me first.

You have always ensured my comfort. 

And, my love, your warmth already showers me with so much comfort.

Love does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud.
And, my love, you are humble in every way. 

You are easily satisfied with the things you hold. 

You are extremely accepting of who you are and where you are in life while your massive aspirations sit in your heart silently and carefully. 

Indeed, your eyes alone are able to exemplify humility and love for others.
Love does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking.


I have seen right before my eyes how you've given those coins which perhaps was all you have at that time to a beggar and how your voice felt so sincere when you told him to take care of himself right before he left. 

I felt that no matter what, or no matter who the person can be, you are always able to show compassion and you are able to honor them in all the little ways that you can. 

And, my love, you are so selfless.

Love is not easily angered.
You never allow the both of us to be angry at each other for more than a day. 

You have always been ready to apologize for your mistakes and you have always been ready to forgive whenever I make mistakes. 

And, my love, you are so considerate, understanding, and forgiving.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

I love how you always correct me when I'm at fault. 

I love how you will never condone my wrongdoings. 

And, my love, I believe this is the most essential part of all relationships to be able to correct each other without hesitation lovingly.
Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

I felt how willing you are to protect me despite the distance that separates us.

I felt how your trust is able to sail in ships and fly through planes.

I'm able to see how hopeful you are that we would be able to see each other soon and your perseverance to pursue me and to be with me is so evident that I do not doubt at all. 

My love, actions speak louder than words even if you will not tell me that you love me every day, I would still feel and see it.

Oh, and one last thing, I love you too. 

And yes is my answer to the question you have been asking.

---

Written By Siti Khadijah Halil

---